Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Humble beginnings
"We are delighted that you have accepted our invitation to attend the Bethel School of Ministry at Bethel Church". Wow an acceptance letter from the king to revolutionize my life. An invitation to extend the inheritance my father has given me. Jesus, the son of man, the son of the KING who Himself was KING, orchestrated this. Bethel! Bethel! He was sending me to Bethel and it was His desire. Yes, yes and Amen.
The call to go to the nations was embedded into my spirit before my spirit had come into its flesh. The young school girl too shy to speak to the pretty girls had a dream. She sat in class starring outside the window dreaming that one day she would have to dream no more. Now God was sending her out (finally) to a very blessed humble beginning Redding, California.
God was saying, Lina you can pack your bags now.
The photo album was missing pictures. All these destinations and situations for my own life’s expectations were non-existent. I sipped on my coffee alone at a cafe. My thoughts were lost in the abyss of my sadness. The past and present memories were following me around like extra baggage. My mistakes and mans false perceptions of me were wearing thin on my heavy heart.
Why was I there at some cafe contemplating what should have been? Why was I living a life that was never meant for me?
Alone, no! Lonely yes!
In my heart, words never said and words no one should have said, lingered, like the foul after smell of cigarette smoke in the air.
I was the ashtray and I was suffocating! I was suffocating myself!
Lord, why are you allowing me to be suffocated?
A silent tear falls from my eyes.
No one in the café noticed. No one ever notices.
That is my life story – the silent wanderer.
The darkness called out to me in the night.
The night was my light of salvation.
The darkness did not speak back when I cried. It did not comment on the cries of my heart. It listened in its cruel and quiet stillness.
There in the hidden place it was orchestrated. The life I was “meant” to live would start to unfold. My friends, my family in my hidden place they would not be able to find me. Somewhere far away would be my refuge. Unknown and unheard that is where I will go. No justifying, no approval needed.
Alone, yes! Lonely yes! Happy yes!
The darkness helped hide what they could never cover up.
I did not know about the darkness watcher. The spirit saw into my darkness. A watchman!
“Jesus? He saw into my dark”? I thought He didn’t care. He never intervened, never stepped in!
I was a sinner who could never please Him. The world hated me and the creator of the universe sure disproved of me.
In the beginning it is always humble beginnings.
It’s amazing what we remember when we look back from what He brought us out of and into.
My beauty for ashes He gave.
A crown one size Lina fit only.
He crowned me with His love that no man could ever defile. And now I lift my voice with praise to King who has taken away my pain. His light knows no dark. He is my is my life, my world.
Bethel, oh yeah!
He heard. He listened.
The call to go to the nations was embedded into my spirit before my spirit had come into its flesh. The young school girl too shy to speak to the pretty girls had a dream. She sat in class starring outside the window dreaming that one day she would have to dream no more. Now God was sending her out (finally) to a very blessed humble beginning Redding, California.
God was saying, Lina you can pack your bags now.
The photo album was missing pictures. All these destinations and situations for my own life’s expectations were non-existent. I sipped on my coffee alone at a cafe. My thoughts were lost in the abyss of my sadness. The past and present memories were following me around like extra baggage. My mistakes and mans false perceptions of me were wearing thin on my heavy heart.
Why was I there at some cafe contemplating what should have been? Why was I living a life that was never meant for me?
Alone, no! Lonely yes!
In my heart, words never said and words no one should have said, lingered, like the foul after smell of cigarette smoke in the air.
I was the ashtray and I was suffocating! I was suffocating myself!
Lord, why are you allowing me to be suffocated?
A silent tear falls from my eyes.
No one in the café noticed. No one ever notices.
That is my life story – the silent wanderer.
The darkness called out to me in the night.
The night was my light of salvation.
The darkness did not speak back when I cried. It did not comment on the cries of my heart. It listened in its cruel and quiet stillness.
There in the hidden place it was orchestrated. The life I was “meant” to live would start to unfold. My friends, my family in my hidden place they would not be able to find me. Somewhere far away would be my refuge. Unknown and unheard that is where I will go. No justifying, no approval needed.
Alone, yes! Lonely yes! Happy yes!
The darkness helped hide what they could never cover up.
I did not know about the darkness watcher. The spirit saw into my darkness. A watchman!
“Jesus? He saw into my dark”? I thought He didn’t care. He never intervened, never stepped in!
I was a sinner who could never please Him. The world hated me and the creator of the universe sure disproved of me.
In the beginning it is always humble beginnings.
It’s amazing what we remember when we look back from what He brought us out of and into.
My beauty for ashes He gave.
A crown one size Lina fit only.
He crowned me with His love that no man could ever defile. And now I lift my voice with praise to King who has taken away my pain. His light knows no dark. He is my is my life, my world.
Bethel, oh yeah!
He heard. He listened.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Is this your heart's cry?
Lord I don't want to be like the church that compromises your word.
Lord I dont want to be like the Christian that compromises your message of love to suit their carnal flesh.
Lord on that cross you never compromised my salvation.
You don't point out my imperfections, you see nothing but your perfection.
Give me the strength to stand strong.
Lord you are my life, no one else matters!
------------------------------------------------
More of your love
More of your compassion
More of your mercy
More of you and nothing of me
I want to love the unloveable
I want to search out and find the lost
Lord I dont want to be like the Christian that compromises your message of love to suit their carnal flesh.
Lord on that cross you never compromised my salvation.
You don't point out my imperfections, you see nothing but your perfection.
Give me the strength to stand strong.
Lord you are my life, no one else matters!
------------------------------------------------
More of your love
More of your compassion
More of your mercy
More of you and nothing of me
I want to love the unloveable
I want to search out and find the lost
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Loving Life
Life in its different seasons and in different measurements throws you some hard balls that are always impossible to catch. In the weakest moments of our frailty we hold onto the hope that this "moment" or "circumstance" is only temporal. The sun will come out to play again and today for me it did shining so bright in its beautiful glory. My life in a nutshell has been full of heartache, rejection, disappointment and buckets loads of pain. But in the darkness I held on knowing that soon the day would break and there would be light. Today while I was sitting down this great joy just wanted to burst through me. Finally the possibility of my prayers could be at the threshold of an answer. And if it turns out things aren't as I percieve right now than that too is ok. But right now for this moment I will enjoy how life feels and will run with it.
Hold onto that hope in the midst of your trobules. The new dawn is always followed by a new day which ALWAYS is closely followed by new possibilites.
Hold onto that hope in the midst of your trobules. The new dawn is always followed by a new day which ALWAYS is closely followed by new possibilites.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
2011 What are you dreaming for?
Twenty one days into the New Year and so much disaster has hit the door steps of this wonderful nation. New South Wales and Victoria hit hard by unrelenting floods destroying thousands of homes. Put aside for just a moment the sadness in your heart towards the way in which this year has started. Let me beg the question "what are you dreaming for 2011"? This is a year of seeing fulfillment of ourt dreams. A year of stepping into the things we have desired and have warmly dreamed about. What is your revelation not your resolution for this incredible brand New Year? I want to know what is your heart for 2011?
This year for me is one of change. Buried deep down inside my soul are issues I need to confront and deal with this year. No more stepping back because of an inability to step forward. My heart for this year is to hear the Fathers cry/heart and to run with it. A year of journey and running full force into something MAJOR! (which I can not openly share just yet). The year to live life not just to dream about it.
My precious friends and welcomed strangers from across the globe
What are you dreaming for 2011 and what are you believing for?
This year for me is one of change. Buried deep down inside my soul are issues I need to confront and deal with this year. No more stepping back because of an inability to step forward. My heart for this year is to hear the Fathers cry/heart and to run with it. A year of journey and running full force into something MAJOR! (which I can not openly share just yet). The year to live life not just to dream about it.
My precious friends and welcomed strangers from across the globe
What are you dreaming for 2011 and what are you believing for?
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